Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
