So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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