these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
