I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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