As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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