dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
