How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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