I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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