It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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