seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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