Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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