I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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