weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
high people should be assigned attendants
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
