Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
