please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
