you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
