Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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