I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
