Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
