quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
