I want to make a zoo with you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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