I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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