That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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