I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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