I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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