You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize