If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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