her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
