Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
