His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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