Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
