This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
