R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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