Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
