i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
