Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Im part way to drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
