i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
