Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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