My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
