I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
