Me. At least after what I've been through.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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