So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This house was built for laser tag.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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