why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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