That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
