Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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