cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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