went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
