You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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