i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
