Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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