you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize