??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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