I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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