I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
