somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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