Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
