that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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