its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
