The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
