Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
