what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He better not be in your backpack
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
