The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
