That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
