When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
